Life Number Four
Happiness vs. Obedience
I've TRIED to be obedient. To nature, spiritual things, man's law. I get tickets, I sleep around, I tithe, I've even littered. Can't believe I've done any of that, but I'll own it. I've done it. It's my shame, my guilt. None of it made me happy. Obedience didn't make me happy.
While attempting to put a hold on comparisons, I don't see happiness in my faith. I see people ACTING that way, usually in a worship service and in front of others... But not in their homes--I get to visit a lot of homes.
I see people ACTING like Peta-People... when it's convenient.
The whole other partner thing brings a few moments of the old butterflies I had in high school, but it's quickly swallowed by other concern.
Crapping out the environment clean and disobeying traffic/laws, only nets me guilty feelings. Like the time I stiffed a guy 20$ for delivering a file cabinet. I had the cash in my pocket, so why did I withhold it? Because I wanted to see what other people felt like when they did stupid stuff like that. Maybe they aren't bothered, I was.
Obedience needs to happen, I know this. I may never BE happy. I know this, too. So my real question is: Is it okay to be happy (if I can be) and disobedient?
I've TRIED to be obedient. To nature, spiritual things, man's law. I get tickets, I sleep around, I tithe, I've even littered. Can't believe I've done any of that, but I'll own it. I've done it. It's my shame, my guilt. None of it made me happy. Obedience didn't make me happy.
While attempting to put a hold on comparisons, I don't see happiness in my faith. I see people ACTING that way, usually in a worship service and in front of others... But not in their homes--I get to visit a lot of homes.
I see people ACTING like Peta-People... when it's convenient.
The whole other partner thing brings a few moments of the old butterflies I had in high school, but it's quickly swallowed by other concern.
Crapping out the environment clean and disobeying traffic/laws, only nets me guilty feelings. Like the time I stiffed a guy 20$ for delivering a file cabinet. I had the cash in my pocket, so why did I withhold it? Because I wanted to see what other people felt like when they did stupid stuff like that. Maybe they aren't bothered, I was.
Obedience needs to happen, I know this. I may never BE happy. I know this, too. So my real question is: Is it okay to be happy (if I can be) and disobedient?
posted by LivedTooManyLives at 9:54 PM
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